I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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