I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im holly from the hills drunk
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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