Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
