Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
