I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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