I think my fart just growled at me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
