Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
