He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
