he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
