I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
