Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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