Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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