jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
