i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
