I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
