Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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