I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
