Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
