There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
