Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
