have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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