Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Everything about him screamed your future.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
