john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
