I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
