I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
