Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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