I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Omg I joined a choir last night...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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