Whod you bang
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
