Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
