I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
