If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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