you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
