Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
