i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
