google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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