Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
