my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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