they need to just BURY HIM!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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