C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
