mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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