I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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