it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
