I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
