I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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