So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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