doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
