Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
