First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Drunk is not a location!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
