So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
