so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
