two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
