Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
