You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
