I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
