Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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