miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
