If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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